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Post by mjohn143 on Jan 2, 2011 21:19:49 GMT -5
I'm so upset and in tears right now. once again the ferrets got into my boyfriend's stuff and chewed up an expensive watch and some cables. I mean its my fault for leaving them unattended but it was only a few min!! We got in a huge fight and he kept yelling ab how much he hates the ferrets and only puts up w them bc of me and now he is through. I told him I'd get rid of them so he would just calm down and forget ab it, but I mean I won't...I never will. It's not that I love them more than him necessarily but I don't want to be with someone that would make me choose. He knows how much they mean to me and how I feel ab pple getting rid of pets unless absolutely necessary. Idk this may really be it for him...it just makes me really sad bc we've been dating 3 yrs and he's said he wants to marry me. Obviously not enough, huh? I'm so upset and sad and really angry. I wish he could understand it was an accident. He acts like I'm siding with them which really pisses me off bc that is so ridiculous...they are pets...its not ab sides, I mean I am doing my best to train them, but im not going to physically punish them.
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taratee
Cageless and Roamin' Free
Posts: 255
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Post by taratee on Jan 2, 2011 21:57:21 GMT -5
He might not mean it, it might just be something he said in a bout of anger...
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Post by mjohn143 on Jan 2, 2011 22:04:27 GMT -5
I wish and maybe you're right, but I've heard it before and not like this. For all our likes and similarities caring for pets is where we differ. He tends to be a know it all or at least thinks he knows more than me for some reason, and he thinks you can train/punish them like u would a dog, and u can't and ugh we argue about it. If things smooth over the ferrets will be on such thin ice. I swear its only HIS stuff they get...why can't they tear up my stuff?!?! I'm just so upset....I mean I know I keep saying that, but its all that describes it. And angry.
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Post by stigmata on Jan 2, 2011 22:05:40 GMT -5
Aww hun, I'm so sorry you're going through that!
He'll come around Im sure. Just give him time to get his head clear and he'll realize what is more important. You can replace a watch but you can't replace the one you love! Sometimes boys just need some alone time to remember that.
I agree he shouldn't make you choose but I'm sure all of that is out of anger as well. He may not love them as much as you but I would think he didn't really hate them as hate is such a strong word!
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taratee
Cageless and Roamin' Free
Posts: 255
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Post by taratee on Jan 2, 2011 22:12:49 GMT -5
what stigmata said. and you are right he shouldnt make you chose if he does seriously make you i would take a good look at the relationship because anyone who doesnt have great respect for the things you care about might not be the one ya know?
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Post by Jackie on Jan 2, 2011 22:32:03 GMT -5
Try to calm down as much as possible. I'm sorry that this happened. When I'm in situations like that, I try to symphathize with the other person, kind of walk in their shoes. My biggest fault is only thinking about how I feel, which usually just makes things worse. Let him calm down, try to think of a way to solve the problem so when you talk again, he feels like he won't have to worry about the issue. I understand why your upset, and it's okay to feel that way. Just know that no matter what happens, you have your fuzzies and us.
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Post by Heather on Jan 2, 2011 22:38:55 GMT -5
Is this not the second time your guys have done this? Last year or am I'm thinking of someone else? Only you can find a true decision in this. Ferrets will be ferrets, it's a horrible analogy but the truth. They're not going to change. You can control but you cannot change. No animal can be totally controlled, even when caged Their attitude will not change, they will do this again. So...you know this. This is the joys of living with living, thinking animal. This is sharing their space. You can promise that they won't do this again, but it will...they're ferrets. I hope that you find a solution. A candle is lit to guide you, but only you can decide...good luck ciao
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Post by Jackie on Jan 2, 2011 22:39:49 GMT -5
Also, just to add to what tatatee said, if you have to change yourself, or get rid of something that makes you happy, it might not be right. Love is unconditional, forgiving, and unselfish. You don't need to change for anyone.
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Post by mjohn143 on Jan 2, 2011 23:01:23 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for helping to make me feel better. And trust me I feel the same ab taking a second look... I understand that I need to see it from his side but anything they have torn up of his I have replaced! And I know its still the principle of the situation, but idk what more I can do? I do my best to have the ferrets out time while he is at work, but it doesn't always end up that way. And heather, they have torn up another watch of his ironically, but it was cheaper and I was able to replace it. However, there have been other fights ab their behaviour that I haven't posted about. It's getting exhausting and he acts like I do nothing and that is not the case. I never ask him nor does he offer to clean up after or take care of the ferrets, so its not lije he is being put out in that respect.
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Post by Jackie on Jan 2, 2011 23:08:21 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for helping to make me feel better. And trust me I feel the same ab taking a second look... I understand that I need to see it from his side but anything they have torn up of his I have replaced! And I know its still the principle of the situation, but idk what more I can do? I do my best to have the ferrets out time while he is at work, but it doesn't always end up that way. And heather, they have torn up another watch of his ironically, but it was cheaper and I was able to replace it. However, there have been other fights ab their behaviour that I haven't posted about. It's getting exhausting and he acts like I do nothing and that is not the case. I never ask him nor does he offer to clean up after or take care of the ferrets, so its not lije he is being put out in that respect. I'm sorry this has been such an ongoing ordeal. Ultimately it comes down to him either accepting you and your fuzzies, or not. You are who you are, and those fuzzies are your life. If he isn't willing to accept them and their behavior, then it's his loss. You just have to follow your heart, and do what you think is right. I hope you find the right answer.
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Post by miamiferret2 on Jan 2, 2011 23:13:15 GMT -5
Love is unconditional. When I met my husband, I had a ferret. It took awhile for him to adjust to living with a ferret. He had to learn to always look down, how to shuffle his feet when he walks so as not to step on the ferret, how to always look down when opening /closing doors, what types of items /materials not to leave laying around for the ferret to get at, etc. Etc. It has been 5 years since we moved in together and he is still learning. You still hear me say things like "het don't leave that d**n pencil there you know he's gonna eat the eraser! You want a huge vet bill??" All of my "rules" with the ferret caused him alot of grief when we first moved in together. It took him a while to learn that you can't leave rubber or sponges laying around. He would become frustrated if I yelled at him for not looking down and stepping on my ferret. He would yell at me and say that I cared more about the ferret than I cared about him and that he was tired of constantly having to modify his behavior and his life for my ferret . It was a difficult adjustment. Sometimes (I swear) my ferret would antagonize my husband. He did NOT like the fact that I had a new roommate and that my husband was sleeping on my bed. It is like he was taunting my husband sometimes. I always had the "you have to love all of us or none of us" attitude. And I told him that when it comes to my animals there is very little compromise so he better get used to the situation. my husband slowly grew to love my ferret. My husband cried more than I did when we had to put him down. So do not despair. there is hope. However, I will tell this: do not take all of the blame. Your boyfriend needs to be responsible and not leave things like that laying around. He needs to understand that the ferret will not stop being a ferret. On the other hand, your boyfriend is an intelligent adult who through evolution has the ability to adapt quickly....and if he wants to be with you, if he loves you, he has to go the extra mile and learn how to live with ferrets. If MY stubborn husband did it then so can your boyfriend. That is all. Sorry for the long post.
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Post by rarnold18 on Jan 3, 2011 0:17:38 GMT -5
I have a similar problem with my husband...the cat will pee on his things... BUT what he doesn't realize is that he's the only one whose stuff is laying around! I don't want my things getting pee'd on so I put my things away where they can't. The same with the kids, I have trained them to put their clothes in the dresser or hamper, jackets and bookbags get hung up markers crayons and pencils get put away in the craft cabinet or the dog will eat them. It's all about being responsible for your belongings. If you don't put your stuff away or take care of them properly they will end up getting destroyed one way or another! MJohn, your responsible and you understand what the ferrets get into and you put your things away so they don't that's why it's only his things that are getting chewed up, your stuff is put up out of ferret reach, you put your things away because you know better! I'm assuming his wasn't... maybe this is something that you can point out to him and then work together to find a compromise. It could be as simple as clearing a shelf or dresser top so that your boyfriend can put his things away out of ferret reach (remember they can levitate) or maybe you can hit up the thrift store for a cabinet, old armoir, or trunk, that you can refinish or decorate together that he can put his things away in. That way they are safe from ferret teeth and the ferrets are safe from harmful materials that they could ingest...
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Post by WTFerret on Jan 3, 2011 4:15:20 GMT -5
I tell it to my family like this: don't want your crap drug off ? Put your crap away , it's your fault for leaving things out. If you can't put your things away you don't deserve them.
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Post by miamiferret2 on Jan 3, 2011 8:09:11 GMT -5
exactly. I'm sure only his stuff us destroyed because he leaves his stuff laying around.
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Post by mjohn143 on Jan 3, 2011 10:08:04 GMT -5
Thanks guys, that makes me feel better hearing similar stories. His point of view is we were together before I got my first ferret, and he was against that and now I have 5. However, it's not like I never consulted with him before bringing them home and he ok'd it. Plus, he even got me one for my birthday. And I guess you all are right about it being his stuff that is left out. I think everything would be easier if we were in a house with an extra bedroom for the ferrets, not our little studio, but we're both finishing up in college and that is not happening for at least a year or two! He did kind of apologize last night and said he doesn't expect me to get rid of them (not that I ever intended to). He just wants them to be "disciplined and not get away with murder", but I mean I can only do so much. So the ferrets are not to be out unsupervised, even for a min. I mentioned about him not putting his stuff away: shoes, wallet, watch etc. but he won't admit it...I can tell he knows I'm right, and it is true, what they got to was up on shelf but they got to it from a series of other things. Hopefully we won't have any more incidents for awhile...fingers crossed. Thanks again for the reassurance and advice.
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