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Post by Kerit on Jan 3, 2011 10:17:13 GMT -5
*hugs* I have to be honest... I think only a parent's love is unconditional. A relationship you choose to have with another man or woman doesn't include putting up with any- or everything they do just because you've said you love one another! That said, of course the effort needs to be made to compromise! It sounds like he feels that you're not doing enough to contain the ferrets? Is there anything else you can do? If you're really doing your best, then it's his own issue if he can't accept ferrets for what they are, just like Heather said. Something like this WILL happen again. They're ferrets. And... maybe this isn't about totally about the ferrets, at heart. If he really wants to break up over this, maybe there's something else going on with him and the ferrets are a great excuse? I would agree to take a little break from each other. No seeing each other, or calls or emails or texts for a week, or more. Then he has plenty of time to see what life is like without you, and consider that maybe the ferrets aren't so bad after all... Or, if he still feels the same way, fine and good riddance. ETA: Naturally, I didn't get to read your last post before I sent mine. If you live together, taking a break doesn't work quite so easily! I think "never unsupervised" is a great idea... that's how we manage our little terror, anyway.
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Post by mjohn143 on Jan 3, 2011 10:38:13 GMT -5
Haha, yea living together makes it tough, especially in a small place. I know it is nothing else he wants to break up over because he wouldn't need the ferrets as an excuse. He did apologize and cry a little actually and told me how much I meant to him and he did not want to fight with me and that it is so frustrating bc he is tired of them tearing up his stuff and scratching at carpet and using the vents as bathrooms. I mean they are bad I will admit, but any accidents I immediately clean up. My mom sides with him of course. I talked to her about it and she said "Maddy, 5 ferrets is a lot, maybe you shouldn't let them out so much. I love animals too, but sometimes there is a limit." It doesn't help, her siding with him. So, I'm just going to have to only let them out with my supervision. I do admit it is hard to ferret proof where with are. It's like a studio I guess, living room bedroom and kitchenette in one with a bathroom. What they do is get up on the entertainment center and jump to his stuff, so I am just going to have to move things around. I mean I know they don't need to be unsupervised anyway, but I mean the place is safe for them to run around, plus they were asleep and I had to run outside for literally less than 5 min. It's like they heard the door close and went nuts bc they knew no one was there to get on to them. Just goes to show you really can't underestimate them.
That being said. If it ever came down to having to choose, the fuzzies always win. I mean that goes for anyone...family too. Some people make think I am crazy, but I would be so heartbroken and miserable without them. Also, I do not get rid of pets. If there was a financial emergency where I just could not provide proper care for them, that is something different. But yea, he apologized, though I'm still mad at him, so we will see.
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taratee
Cageless and Roamin' Free
Posts: 255
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Post by taratee on Jan 3, 2011 11:45:32 GMT -5
I dont think youre crazy at all sometimes I worry that im going to be the crazy ferret lady all hunched over fridge full of raw food and 50 ferrets who i remember all their names and birthdates... I have never in my life been in a place where i loved animals who loves me back the way my fuzzies do. so no you are not crazy they are our children, its much the way a woman would love a child... dont feel bad
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Post by Heather on Jan 3, 2011 11:52:33 GMT -5
I don't think anyone will think you're crazy here Good luck this kind of thing is always difficult but it does make us stronger and give us insight to who we are (spoken from an old crazy ferret lady ) ciao
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Post by shilohismygirl on Jan 3, 2011 12:52:15 GMT -5
The thing about it is, what many people don't seem to understand is that it isn't about loving the ferrets more than them. I love my ferrets, and I wouldn't get rid of them ever, and I wouldn't in your situation especially. When you get an animal, it is a commitment. It's a promise, and they had no choice in the matter. People can choose to back out of a relationship or partnership. An animal cannot even consent to being adopted in the first place. If I adopt a pet, it's forever no matter how hard and annoying it can sometimes be to find my things chewed up or that the one thing I didn't want them to get into has suddenly become the only thing they want. Just as my marriage vows are not, "in convenience and in health", neither are my promises to my furkids, and I know you feel the same way. I just don't understand why others don't understand that the point of always favoring keeping your pets and doing everything you can to make it work with them is because they're helpless and rely on you blindly for everything, not because you love them more. Love isn't a contest, after all. I am glad that he's less angry, and I hope you guys work things out better.
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Post by stigmata on Jan 3, 2011 14:58:51 GMT -5
Congrats on things getting better and you sticking to your guns! I have 3 dogs, 2 cats, and my fert (all rescues) and my dad thinks I'm crazy too so...not everyone sees eye to eye when it comes to pets you just have to follow what YOU believe in and that's exactly what you did! Your babies thank you for fighting their battle!!
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Post by katt on Jan 3, 2011 15:39:32 GMT -5
My entire family thinks I'm crazy for my pet choices. Stinky ferrets, massive dangerous lizard (iguana) and dangerous will-sneak-out-to-kill-you-in-the-night snakes. I can't go to a family gathering without some snide remark about my pets. So I never go over anymore. Then they get mad and wonder why I never visit. Friends and coworkers often think the same and I get soo many remarks about having Too Many pets! Before I got Kenai I had 3, now I have 4 (not counting the hamster who is eveyones lol and feeder mice or fish lol). How many millions of people have 2 dogs and a cat, or 3 cats and a dog, and often a betta or godfish or whatever as well. It's just bc they are exotics that people freak out. I'm sorry that you have to go through this! *hugs* I would be furious if I were in your position but also sad. I'm glad you have worked things out for now but perhaps when you have both calmed down a little you should sit and have a less emotional talk. He needs to accept that it WILL happen again Becauae no matter how much you ferret proof and supervise - ferrets wi be ferrets and will find new ways of sneaking and levitating around any blocks. He also it sounds to me needs to have explained to him how upset it makes you when he threatens to have you get rid of them and that you shouldn't need to change for him. I think just going over everything again when you can both be calm might help. I know when I'm all emotional I don't think straight and don't say things I wish I had said later. If he loves you and it's meant to be, I know you guys will work things out and hat the ferrets will be able to stay in your life. I totally agree with what everyone here has said. I hope you feel better soon!
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Post by rarnold18 on Jan 3, 2011 17:16:06 GMT -5
I get the same remarks about our animals...you have to many, your a hoarder...and all that nonsense! But it works for me and everyone here is healthy and well fed...some people just don't understand!
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Post by mjohn143 on Jan 3, 2011 20:25:21 GMT -5
What makes me mad about Uriah is I was looking at some pics on his phone today to send to myself and I see a bunch of pics HE took himself (while I was not home) of him holding the weasels or the weasels sleeping in his lap. It's like he likes them when I am not around and then ignores or acts like he doesn't other times... It probably confuses the ferrets too!
Gah I get so TIRED about pple making hoarder jokes. I mean I can see how maybe it is a joke to them but it gets soooo old. I mean esp since that show came out "Confessions: Animal Hoarding" I have heard it from friends, relatives, etc. People will say stuff like "oh I need to call them about you!" It is annoying. His mom and dad came into town and we were in their hotel visiting and that show came on and we were all talking ab "did you see the one..." and his dad was like "oh did you see the one with the crazy lady with 5 ferrets?" I mean I know it's not meant to really hurt my feelings, but it gets old. Especially bc other people don't truly understand the situation. Other pple from school or whatever hear I have 5 ferrets and say "Oh I bet your place stinks!" Then I have to get on my soap box about raw feeding and the smell and what not. Katt, I know what you mean about the snide and unnecessary remarks, bc I get them too. You just can't make people interested enough to listen or understand if they don't want to.
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Post by miamiferret2 on Jan 3, 2011 20:46:52 GMT -5
Your boyfriend may be slightly jealous of your ferrets. do you give them more attention? it is funny you say that he takes pictures of himself with your ferrets when you are not home because one day I walked in on my husband giving my ferret a kiss. Lol. It was an "a-ha!" moment. We have more than two bedrooms but my ferrets have always slept in my room with me and they have free run. So you can imagine how frustrated my husband was! And my ferret did not want him on the bed!! It was actually somewhat comical.
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Post by acodlin on Jan 4, 2011 0:03:18 GMT -5
My boyfriend use to get upset because the ferrets kept ruining his stuff. He would leave glasses of tea on his desk and they would climb up there and tip them over. Ruined 1 hard drive, 3 keyboards 4 mouses and dang near ruined both of our phones. I kept telling him, don't leave glasses up there, anytime you leave your desk or leave the room, put it on the kitchen table. He still forgets, and they still do it every now and then but he knows he can't get mad at them. Also recently Dean has become adrenal and very aggressive towards a couple of our females, almost everynight at 3am and 5:30am he starts picking on them making them scream.. which ofcourse wakes both of us up. It aggravates him but he's starting to understand that you can't do anything about it until his meds kick in. He use to get pretty angry but I kept telling him they are ferrets they don't understand and you can't punish them.
I also get the hoarding bs from people. I do however have 21 animals. 14 ferrets 4 cats and 3 dogs. They are all clean, fed, taken to the vet.. my house is clean, carpets are washed every other weekend.. ferret bedding every week, cat boxes/ferret room are scooped/cleaned daily. My boyfriends mother is korean and she came into our house and the worst comment she could come up with was that it smelled like dog food in our house (she would tell us if it smelled bad for sure, she has no qualms there at ALL) I just don't tell people anymore, I dont talk about them unless someone asks. My co-workers almost always make fun of me or call them rodents, my family doesnt understand.. but they make me happy. I have no kids and probably wont (I like animals better.. is that wrong? lol) and if everyone is happy and healthy, I'm happy and healthy.. whats the big deal?
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Post by sunnyberra on Jan 4, 2011 0:44:21 GMT -5
I hope you work out your situation, mjohn, I know the "balancing act" isn't fun, and especially not when it involves those you care about the most on both sides.
It's strange, though, and a blessing - I've never had the hoarding stuff brought up, and we have 15 animals (5 dogs, 5 cats, 4 ferrets and 1 rabbit). I guess it really depends on the region where you live (the most animals we've "owned" not counting the strays who would wander in and we'd take care of while they recuped, is 21, and that couldn't even rival some of the smallest hunting packs that people kept 30+ dogs).
(also, shilohismygirl, wonderfully said, and that's exactly how I feel about those kinds of things, as well, I just could never in a million years say it as eloquently).
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candiceboggs
Going Natural
Ferrets are nature's anti-depressant.
Posts: 187
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Post by candiceboggs on Jan 4, 2011 2:47:55 GMT -5
I like rarnold's thrift store armoire or cabinet etc. idea for the stuff you don't want the ferrets to destroy. In as small a space as a studio apartment it's a marvel to me five ferrets haven't destroyed everything. You should never have to feel that in order to hold onto a relationship you must give in to your SO's wishes in his fits of anger, because you didn't intend on giving them away when you said you would. What if he decided to try to hold you to that someday, when inevitably, they destroy other things? It will be viewed as a lie and possibly cement the feelings that he has for you loving the ferrets more than him. Honestly, it seems terribly hypocritical to buy you a ferret for your birthday then act like you have too many, then say he was against the first one you got. It doesn't add up or make sense, nor does that sound like a harmonious environment for you with the pets you love. As for him thinking they can be disciplined and trained similarly to dogs (harsh discipline doesn't work all that well with dogs to me anyway) that's just poppycock. It's ferret nature to be mischievous and I don't know one person yet that has been able to keep them from destroying things, without the use of barriers, strict supervision, or a room specifically for ferrets. Like Heather said, "you can control but you cannot change". Perhaps a good heart-to-heart with your BF, showing him articles in books or on forums like this one might help prove to him that it's not just you saying they can't be trained like he's expecting, it's the ferret community at large. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. You must be sick at heart over your fuzzbabies. Sending hopes your way that you can get him to see the light about these things and all live in harmony. P.S. I think all your ferrets are gorgeous, I love the noses on them. ^_^ P.P.S. I didn't realize there was a page 2 until now, haha - I'm up too early, sorry. Acodlin, I know how it is. When we got our kitten (he's 18 months now) all we had other than that was my older cat and my husband's dog, plus two gerbils and one mouse. Some really dumb distant/married-in family made fun of how many animals we now had. However, she'd just dumped her two cats (which she let run amok outside) on someone because one scratched her child and it got infected, because the child would bite, haul and maul the poor cats about (I know, I kept the girl from running over one cat with her tricycle while she yelled at it). I rather hate people in general for disposing of animals like that. Any animal I take in for our own is with me for keeps and that's how it has always been. I too have learned not to even bother telling people of my pets unless they ask or I just focus on one animal and tell a short story. It's better that way than to have those unavoidable angry thoughts creep up when the same people judge you for being an animal enthusiast. "Oh, you're weird - you have no life!" stuff. Well, it's our passion and they can all just shove it!
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Post by Jackie on Jan 4, 2011 3:21:41 GMT -5
Unfortunately, a lot of well meaning people get bad raps from actual hoarders. I lived next door (literally) to a crazy hoarder who had 100+ rabbits (that had to literally feed on each other and their young to survive), about 50+ cats (and too many dead ones to count), 20+ dogs, and all sorts of rats and other rodents that fed off their remains. All of this plus 3 people in a 3 bedroom townhouse less than 1000 sq. ft. I almost slept over her house (I tried to befriend their daughter.. I was about 7 so I had no idea). And I had to call home after a couple hours because I was sobbing so badly. The police finally confiscated their animals, but it was kinda too late. So many had already died, or were too bad to be saved. The house was a complete wreck. They never walked the animals ONCE. The home gave me nightmares for months. I'm not justifying people's assumptions or judgements, especially when you don't know the person or their circumstances, but I think that's why they assume what they do.
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Post by mjohn143 on Jan 4, 2011 5:46:42 GMT -5
Omg! Jackie, that is awful!! I couldn't imagine that! What a terrible thing to even have to see. Everyone has given me very good insight and advice that I really appreciate. We discussed what is acceptable as far as discipline goes bc I admit I am really bad at getting on to my animals... so we agreed on a light scruff and "NO", 3 strikes and they get a timeout. I say 3 bc their latest habit is pulling shelves out of the entertainment center to use as steps to get to the top and trying to steal and chew cables, which is obviously very dangerous for them anyway. Electronics, speakers especially, are kind of my bf's hobby, so that is another no no for sure. They do this repeatedly after being told no, so time out was added. I did take rarnolds advice on the cabinet. We just went to home depot and got one of those particleboard kits for a 2 shelf cabinet with magnetic closure on the doors to put his stuff in (before it was just an open shelf). So that seemed to work well at least as far as yesterday went. I totally agree with what everyone said and how they feel about commitment to animals, and yes, shilohismygirl said it beautifully. I mean, like I said if it came down to that then we would be done bc I am never rehoming my babies. That being said, candiceboggs, you are right, I shouldn't say that when it is never going to be an option bc I understand exactly what you are saying and never thought of it that way before. Things have gotten better, they were good today and MegaWeasel slept in bf's lap for quite a while last night. I know one thing I have learned about ferrets is that it's definitely learn as you go bc there are always improvements or rearrangements that have to be made and they are quick to show you where. Thank you again everyone for the advice and support. It is nice to hear especially when I don't really have anyone else to vent to on the situation without getting crap about things they don't understand.
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