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Post by 3kaw on Jan 3, 2011 22:03:55 GMT -5
I`ve not known how to write this post. I`m trying to make a decision i`ve been avoiding for a while now. As some of you know i got Trixie in Oct, by Nov the vet was suggesting we put her down. She has both insulinoma and lymphoma. We waited. She was not showing any sign of being in pain. She's had good and bad days. Days of needing to be force fed food and or water. Days of energy and wandering around the house like normal. Beginning in dec she started having seizures. once a week or so and came out of them fairly quick. My desire has always been to keep her comfortable and at home surrounded by her friends and being given lots of love. I`ve used both allopathic and homeopath remedies/meds to help her through this, and to keep her comfortable. On Friday she had about 6 seizures, and the normal treatment was not helping, and increasing meds didn't either. Saturday I lost count on how many she had. She was also biting her tongue and having lots of blood coming from her mouth with the seizures. I know you are not suppose to but i put asyringe in her mouth each time to prevent the bleeding and that helped. She also started showing sign of pain with urine/stools. I switched remedies hoping to help her. We decided it was time to let her go, however it was the holiday weekend. The remedy seems to be helping, she is very calm and sleeping soundly. On Sunday she only complained with bowel movements, today no complaints at all, she is still able to urinate and have stools. No seizure since early Sunday morning. Due to the holiday we have not contacted the vet to make any arrangements yet. I am however really hesitant to do this. I mean if I can keep her out of pain, i want to wait. However I dont want to keep her here because of my own unwillingness to let her go. I really want her to peacefully slip away. Not once today did she do any grinding or groaning in pain. Her eyes do water on occasion. She is not dehydrated, I'm keeping a close eye on what she eat/drinks. I'm putting it off, but dont know if it's right. It's just not clear to me that she IS in pain. She wakes only to use the litter (though often misses and seems to have little control over this). She eats only when you hold her in front of the bowl. She is getting lots of water, from both the watered down food and syringe water i give her. I'm calling the vet tomorrow, as they were closed when i called today, but please send vibes that this little angel is ready to go on her own and i dont have to actually make a choice for her.
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Post by Heather on Jan 3, 2011 22:24:09 GMT -5
Oh, my heart goes out to you. I so understand where you are right now. I wish I had an extra day of life for any of my ferrets for every time I've sat where you are now. There is no easy way out of this, unless your little one decides to wander to the bridge. This is a stange place that they can put themselves in. I don't think they are in pain or at least it's far away for them. I find that my guys usually can no longer process their food at this point if they eat. How's your little one doing? How's her stools? I found that the stools were almost the same as the food that was going in. Aremis slid into a coma for some hours before passing away on his own (we were actually driving to the vet, I hate having to do the deed but my idea is quality, Aremis was surviving, not living) I guess that's the key. You can probably keep your little one alive by syringe feedings and pushed fluids, but is that what you want. I'm not pushing one way or another, I have my ideas on this but letting go is so difficult and it hurts so bad....there's nothing...nothing anyone can say or do to make it go away. You are ultimately responsible. You hold a life in your hands. I will light a candle for you. Please know that no matter what, your little one will love you.....forever ciao
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Post by 3kaw on Jan 3, 2011 22:35:01 GMT -5
When thinking quality, i can understand that. She has never played since we got her. Her curiosity has never left her though and will explore when she has the strength, but other then telling other ferrets off when they wake her, she's never played.
Her poops have been stinky mush for about... 2 or more weeks. She is on chicken baby food, or cooked chicken, both very watered down to meet her water intact needs as well.
I think i know it's the right move, i just so hate to go through with it.
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Post by Jackie on Jan 3, 2011 22:38:15 GMT -5
I'm so sorry you're in this position. My heart hurts for you and your baby. You'll be in my prayers and I hope you are able to make whatever decision is right. Give your sweet girl a hug and kiss for me.
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Post by Heather on Jan 3, 2011 22:41:37 GMT -5
Sounds like my little Babushka...she never played, except to pregnant dog at the others and fight with her cagemate, Pooka That wandering is quality, the older ones get a lot from prowling around (they remind me of little old ladies ). Pooka does it now, she just wanders around, pokes into things, teases the other brats who are locked up....she's enjoying her life. Pooka's on the dying end of adrenal...she's still enjoying life, so I will do what I can to allow her that. Good luck with whatever you choose. ciao
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Post by shilohismygirl on Jan 3, 2011 22:51:07 GMT -5
I am so sorry you're having to go through this. Whatever decision you make will undoubtedly be the correct one for your baby. They understand, I think, no matter what, as long as you've got their best interests at heart. <3
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Post by sherrylynne on Jan 3, 2011 23:00:07 GMT -5
I've not been to this point with my ferrets, but I have with my other furkids. And this decision isn't one anyone can truly help you with, beyond sharing our own experiences. With my dogs, they'd both reached a point with age and illness where they simply weren't living as dogs anymore. Life was becoming difficult for them, even though there were still some bright days. When the dark days started to vastly outnumber the bright ones, we helped them cross the bridge. It's the hardest decision you will ever have to make with your pets, and the last bit of love you can possibly show for them. My heart goes out to you
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Post by justahannah on Jan 3, 2011 23:38:05 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for you and your little girl...I'm in much the same position with Ovana (a girl I rescued a little over a year ago with adrenal disease and now insulinoma as well). She's also to the point where pretty much all she does is sleep unless she needs to use the bathroom (and she won't go any more than a few feet to accomplish that) and when I wake her for food and prednisilone. My guys are free roam with their home base in an open cage in our downstairs bedroom and the food bowl in the kitchen upstairs and her hind legs slip out so often she can't manage the stairs very well so I've built her a custom hammock setup near the food bowl, and even so there are times I find her somewhere between having mini-seizures. I knew when I adopted her that it would simply be to give her the comfort and love her previous owner never gave her until her time came....but it's still so hard to let go. It's not fair for a ferret so young (she's still under 5) to spend the majority of her life abused and then when she finally comes into a loving home, she's too sick to play or enjoy her freedom any more than finally having a fleecy hammock to call her own. Occasionally there's a good day, I'll catch her frolicking with the others for just a couple minutes, or she'll approach me for cuddles, but those days have become much rarer even over this last month. We go in the 17th for her monthly lupron shot, and I plan at that point on discussing euthanasia with our vet. I'll never be ready, but I get the feeling she's pretty close...
I'm sorry. All we can do is what we think is best and let them know they're loved.
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Post by goingpostal on Jan 4, 2011 0:37:06 GMT -5
If I were you, I would probably help her across the bridge, if she's only up to potty, that's not much of a life and the chance of more bad seizures are high and losing her to one of those would be 10x as terrible as letting her go peacefully. Trust me, my Precious went that way, she was insulinomic and had lymphoma as well but had been doing great since diagnosis and meds, an entire month of lively play and being her normal self, with extra soupies and cuddles of course.
Then she crashed, hard, out of the blue and I was at work with the vehicle, vet was closed, no e-vet around here and my b/f was doing everything he could trying to bring her around and keep her with us but she passed about an hour after the seizure started. I felt horrible because I wasn't there, my boyfriend felt even worse, it was a bad situation all around and very heartbreaking. Not that putting a ferret to sleep is any less painful to their humans, but much kinder for a ferret in poor health. She was our first ferret and I definately didn't want to let her go ever, but I wish it had been more peaceful for her.
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Post by 3kaw on Jan 4, 2011 5:04:34 GMT -5
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and stories.
My heart is breaking for her. As justahannah said, it's so unfair for her to have had so little love in her 6yrs, until she is too sick to fully live.
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Post by mjohn143 on Jan 4, 2011 6:14:38 GMT -5
I am very sorry to hear about this and sorry it is something that is being left up to you to decide. I have been in a similar position with my first ferret, Beatrice. When I got her she was already 5 and had lived on a horrible diet of Marshalls, raisins, cereal, and marshmallows. I had her about a year and unknowingly kept her on Marshalls before finding this forum (which I did after she was diagnosed with insulinoma and I wanted to further research the disease and how to care for her). Fear of not surviving surgery at her age resulted in her going on a pred treatment. She did well on this four about 8 months; however, the last few weeks she really went downhill. She was having bathroom issues and would only get up to eat her chicken mush or try to use the bathroom, but she still enjoyed being cuddled. It really broke my heart seeing her like this. One Thursday afternoon I could tell something was not right. I was one my way out the door for an away swim meet (I'm the head coach) and decided I'd have to call my assistant and go in late bc I rushed her to the vet before they closed. I knew I would never forgive myself if she died while I was gone. The vet told me that she was as far as she could go on her dosage and that there was nothing left to do but surgery. He told me this was her last chance and for me to think about it over the weekend bc without it she would pass soon and I would at least know I tried everything. He was really sweet and I know he had the best intentions. Well that Sunday I was working on my laptop laying on the floor and Beatrice was in my dress and asleep by my side. She woke up sooo suddenly like it was one of those instant itch wakes up and she ran out to the middle of the floor and just layed there. She started breathing heavily and pushing her head back. I was screaming at my bf bc I just wasn't ready for that. So we drove her to the Emergency vet 45 min away and paid a $200 emergency fee. The vet there told me they had stabilized her for now, but told me this was the beginning of many. She explained to me that these seizures put Beatrice under a lot of stress bc it scared her and she doesn't know what is going on or why. She told me they could keep trying to bring her out of them, but that it would only be her clinging to a life that was ready to be set free. So putting her to sleep was a horrible decision that I had to make and I really felt guilty like I was giving up on her, but that wasn't the case. I just did not want her to suffer bc I loved her so incredibly much. I wanted her to remember her life as happy and filled with love. I know I did what was best for her now, and though I miss her terribly, I know she was ready, so they brought her back and I said an incredibly painful goodbye. I was able to bring her home and bury her. I know she is free of pain and loves me still, and thanks me for making a very hard decision when she wasn't able to. I am not saying this is the decision you should make, I am just letting you know my feelings about my particular situation (everyone's is different). I will keep you and Trixie in my prayers. I don't know her full story, but she was very lucky to get to be loved by you in her last years and properly cared for. I know whatever you decide will be right for you and her. Trust me, I know how hard it is and unfair it seems to be faced with the decision... I wished more than anything Beatrice would pass in a peaceful sleep, but it didn't work out that way. Good luck on your choice and my heart goes out to you and your precious little fuzz.
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Post by 3kaw on Jan 6, 2011 21:07:55 GMT -5
We have an appointment in the morning. I have felt peace since making the final decision, though my heart is breaking that it`s so soon. Everyone has spent the last few days cuddling trixie up. Today each of our other ferts have had some one on one time with her in her cage (supervised). We will be bringing her home after and allowing them to say a final goodbye.
Thank you all for sharing your stories, and for your prayers.
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Post by justahannah on Jan 6, 2011 22:04:03 GMT -5
My condolences... It's funny how doing the right thing can still leave us in tears and aching inside. She was so very lucky to have found her way into your home. I think giving the ferrets a chance for closure is a great plan...Mokkun cuddled Ovana's body and Akiko gave her many kisses (and Akiko's not normally a kissy girl), and after a few minutes they both got up and left her as if to say they were done with their goodbyes and ready to get back to celebrating their own lives. Going so close together, perhaps Ovana will meet Trixie at the bridge and they can dook it up about how loved they were at the end.
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Post by miamiferret2 on Jan 6, 2011 22:48:50 GMT -5
I'm so very sorry. You just know when its time I guess. it is hard to let go. The longer you have them, the longer you fight to keep them alive, you just don't want to give up and you keep hoping and praying for a miracle that never comes. I just wrote a really long post about this in that "what are my options" post. So I won't rehash it here. But I think that you are making the right choice. You doing the right thing.
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Post by Heather on Jan 6, 2011 23:45:43 GMT -5
I really wish that I could offer you something that would make the heartache easier, but I know and understand the feelings. I will light a candle for both of you. It's so difficult making this decision, but allowing nature to take it's course is at time too cruel to contemplate . I've often wished that these little ones wouldn't have such a strong will to survive and often wonder why like a candle flame some choose to continue their journey on their own and go off like a gentle breeze ciao
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