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Post by bluecoyote on Oct 10, 2010 12:36:47 GMT -5
congrats! what a head ache! i tried the room mate thing once... a friend from high school. it sounded good at first because she and i agreed on a lot. turned out to be a lot of smoke she was blowing. she said her dad was a slob and she hated cleaning up after him.... turns out she just hated cleaning period! that included kitchen, livingroom, her bedroom(and the room i was moving into... she waited until i had arms full of boxes to actually clean her crap out of the room and didnt want ANY help!) and she knew i was bringing my dog, which was cool. a little jack russell that was crate trained was no biggie. then she got two kittens and NEVER cleaned their cat box. i think the only time it got cleaned was when my dog managed to slip into that room to have herself a snack eventually the cats decided since their box was full the laundry baskets were fair game... and so was the foyer to my bedroom. i still cant stop the sick feeling i get when i remember the days of stepping into cold cat crap first thing in the morning.... once, after a late night with friends and movies i went to bed and was going to put the dog in her crate for the remainder of the night, but roomie said she was ok to sleep on the couch(she was cuddled up next to her and she thought it was cute) when i woke up four hours later my dog had apparently woke up and RAIDED the trash.... there was garbage all the way from the kitchen to the livingroom and ON the couch lol roomie and friends had apparently slept through the whole ordeal! after that Amber got put in the crate regardless of how cute and innocent she was behaving.... that arrangement lasted a few months before i decided to move back home for a spell..... a year later i got a new room mate and ended up marrying him so it worked out well lol Still, about the dog.. i feel bad for him i do NOT understand anyone who gets mad at people for helping train their dog. its one thing if you're gonna actually do it yourself.... but... to get your panties in a twist at someone offering to teach the dog manners and then IGNORING the dog as it destroys the home? where is the logic in that? i have seen people like this in the past and the dogs always end up getting kicked out because they pulled a "Turner and Hooch" and ate something .. or a lot of somethings that cost a LOT of money. granted, when my husband and i butt heads the most its when we're talking about training methods.... i like simple one word commands... if i want the dog to let go i say "out" ..... he likes "drop it" or "give it here" .... i say "up" for the dog to sit up.. and he says "pretty" lol the aggravating thing is when the dog (who spends the majority of the time with me anyway) looks at him like he's an idiot because he doesnt know that new word and my husband gets mad thinking the dog is just being stubborn. and he gets even more annoyed when i say "try it this way" he also thinks its GREAT if the dog jumps up on him when he comes home after work. he encourages it and i gripe about it and tell him WHY i dont like it..... he pretty much tells me to mind my own business, that its ok if they jump on him, means they're happy to see him.............. EXCEPT on the occasions when he brings home fresh pizza and he has three dogs jumping up and crawling between his feet... suddenly its NOT ok for them to jump up? suddenly they're not happy to see him? they JUST want to steal some yummy food? the good thing is they DO listen to me lol if i say down they all hit the dirt like border collies i could walk inside with prime rib tied to both of my knees and steak hanging from hands the dogs wouldnt so much as sniff it. but let him walk inside with a bag of chips....... he's toast lol
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Post by shilohismygirl on Oct 10, 2010 18:30:09 GMT -5
LOL, yes-Sometimes, husbands are silly like that; I know mine is. There are always a few minor differences when training preferences come into play, but your dogs sound incredibly well taken care of. It really made me sad that our old room mate treated his dog the way he did, and the way he treated us. I mean, this dog went through a ton of ferret toys, an x box controller, dvds, cigarettes, plastic cups and bowls, and all other manner of items. He always tried to get the litter box scooper as well-I really need to pick another one of those up because ours is really on our last legs because of it. However, what can you say to the dog when your room mate won't train him? You can't rightly punish him, as he doesn't know what he's doing is wrong. But for real, our room mate never offered to replace them, pay for them, or even apologized. Really, what I really had to laugh at was when I took the pup to the vet to get some of his booster shots. It was understand that whatever I paid would be taken from the internet bills due later on in that month and the next. Cool with me-I spent about 100-150 dollars on getting every single thing I could think of and that the vet suggested to do for him there. I got his ear medicine, his front line, a heart worm check, check up, and boosters. When it came time to pay the internet bill, I even asked if I owed him anything, just to make sure our understanding was accurate. He replied, "Dude, you took the dog to the vet, you don't owe that". In any case, when next month rolled around, he actually tried to charge me 50$ extra on rent for not paying the internet bill. Incidentally, we found out that we were moving that day, and told him that we were leaving the next day. He tried to get it out of me still, but I refused. The always guilty girl in me felt bad about it, but the rational human being in me wanted to slap the dude. That whole situation was a mess. This place= so much better.
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Post by bluecoyote on Oct 11, 2010 0:49:15 GMT -5
lol you're a very very VERY nice person! when someone doesnt take care of my stuff i get a little nuts.... i'm normally a very generous person, but the older i get the more that attribute frays. not that i'm materialistic but...... i am not made of money and wasnt raised to use/abuse/throw it out/get another! i still have my story books from when i was a toddler and MY kids read them today (well they're trying at least lol) but yeah.... i've been in situations where my stuff got trashed and the other person's reply was "so what, cost you five bucks, get another one" OH WANNA JUMP UP AND DOWN ON THEIR HEADS!! maybe its just that i my Great Depression era granny helped raise me lol ...we're like chipmunks when it comes to saving stuff. so we take care of it because you never know when you WONT be able to afford another one. but the cost isnt the point, the point is though is it? it wasnt theirs to trash and how dare they be so snide about someone elses possessions! went to the beach once with my cousin and my two sons... she was having a depressed pity party moment - recently divorced, kids with their dad for the whole summer etc - we needed a fun day.. i suggested the beach and i splurged and spent a few dollars for cheapo beach toys for my kids since they didnt have any. and it actually made my cousin mad when i refused to leave the beach without all toys accounted for. i mean d**n! i go out of my way to use MY car, MY gas, MY time to make her feel better and she gets mad over spending ten minutes looking for a plastic shovel :/ its teaching my kids to take care of their stuff so they'll always have it and NOT have to buy new stuff. THAT is important to me. sorry i got a little preachy, and it may just be ferret toys but..... i'm mad FOR you lol been there, done that, and i hate hearing about others being treated the same. and if you think i'm a stickler on this, my husband is 50 times worse lol
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Post by shilohismygirl on Oct 11, 2010 5:34:58 GMT -5
Oh, I can completely understand and agree. I too understand the value of things, because growing up, we were poor. Heck, I wouldn't say I'm exactly rolling in cash now. I'm a student, and so is hubby. We have enough money to barely to live life comfortably, and save a little extra for ourselves and ferrets. In any case, you're right-that really isn't the point-it's the 'do unto others' rule. I really really do try to live by that, and when others do not, it actually hurts me. It was very inconsiderate for your cousin to be so huffy about something like that-a few bucks is still a few bucks, and I like for the things that I buy to last, because as you said, I might not be able to just drop everything and get another. Plus, you made a day for her, and that doesn't give her to right to be a diva about it. lol I mean for us, the ferret toys I posted about in this original post was the last straw. We get a toy or two every time we go out, if we have a few extra dollars-in my mind, this isn't even my possession to abuse, or let get chewed up; I gave it to the ferrets, and now, it's theirs, not mine. I mean, I take care of it, and see that it is clean and sanitary and ready for play but that's my job. When others disrespect my things, it is one thing. I can deal with that. But, when the dog destroyed my ferret's things, and the old room mate didn't even care, I got mad because those things are theirs. Really, what I need to work on for the future is learning to stand up for myself more. Ideally, only those would be around you that would treat you well because it's the right thing to do, but in reality, it doesn't always work that way.
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Post by bluecoyote on Oct 11, 2010 11:47:40 GMT -5
no you're right about that. i wish it was so easy to just surround yourself with people who would be nice to you and not try to take advantage. but..... as i found out at a young age... people who are always nice and never ever get upset ... are usually lying to you. they would rather avoid the conflict than hurt someones feelings.. and thats not good for them OR you. as a kid i was like that.... i would let my sisters or friends borrow something- it really makes ME feel good to share! its my drug of choice i guess lol - but i always got burned for it. they never understood that there is a difference between sharing and giving... sharing means you give it back in the condition it was given to you! and... well.. its usually nice to also take care of a gift too lol but thats off the topic. but yeah i was too nice.... partly because i was the youngest, the older kids didnt want to bother with a toddler, and my brother was a bully.... but then i met my room mate-future husband-best friend and he toughened me up a lot. mostly by telling me no one deserves to be a doormat and it'll only get worse. just stand up to them one time and see how quick they'll back down! my aunt actually told me my husband had me mean lol she was teasing me over something and i came back with a sharp rebuke and surprised her everyone listening. and... it also helps to have a mother in law like the one from Everybody Loves Raymond. that woman is identical lol and you simply CANT let someone like that walk all over you. and the few times i had to deal with the husbands ex wife..... yeah... lol you get that thick skin by experience, i dont think anyone is born with it my ex landlady/co-worker was actually what really changed me. i had just quit a daycare job when i went to work with her. but the daycare conveniently forgot to mail my pay check. oh wait no... "its in the mail".... a week went by and i was grumbling about about it on the ride home with her and she said "Well you need to call them and tell them to send you another one because it apparently got lost"... i did that and the guy told me,, laughingly... "it costs me money to cancel a check. why dont you wait a little longer" ... costs HIM money?! my rent was due! i told her that and ..... against my will(because i haaaate confrontation) she drove me by the daycare to get a new check... i really would have just trusted them and waited longer just to avoid a possible confrontation! but she said "yeah i used to be like you... go get your check." I walked in the door and boy was he surprised! "oh look i found your check! guess we forgot to mail it!" yeeaaaahhh....... sure ya did. but that wasnt what the date on the check said lol these experiences, i swear they can be collected like sea shells. each one in the collection can build you up - fortresses in the 1600s, that are still standing today, were build out of seashells! but i agree..... i hate having to go through it and every time i do my heart races and my BP goes through the roof...... if i can avoid it i will, but since i've got kids now (boys no less!) no telling what the future might hold. there's bound to be some soccer mom arguments and playground bullying in their lives lol
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Post by shilohismygirl on Oct 11, 2010 13:36:01 GMT -5
Wow! I'm sure that experience would have had my heart racing, too. I'm a lot like that myself. I have a huge propensity to want to avoid conflict, and if I can, I usually try to do so. However, with the old room mate thing, I really feel like I stood up to him by saying that I wasn't paying the internet bill because of our prior agreement, even though he was really unhappy about it. I hated having to tell him we were leaving, because he was really mad then. However, he really pushed my hubby and I to our tolerance limit. I can put up with a ton of crap, and I usually do if it's petty stuff that doesn't really matter, but this was really important because every waking moment that was in that house unless ferrets were playing was hell for the last four months or so. Yeah, we did talk to him about how we felt, but he really wasn't willing to listen, which is a real shame. Growing up, I always had people telling me that I needed to toughen up. I mean, I don't see a problem with trying to be gentle and kind with people but, I do know that if they're not being as good to you, than you're in no way obligated to treat them well. I'm still working on that bit.
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Post by bluecoyote on Oct 11, 2010 17:17:23 GMT -5
lol you're right about that, you get what you give or at least you should! imagine though if you hadnt left.... ugh.... big breeds like that dont usually mature for three years! a three year old ginormous puppy with no manners?? i'd be tempted to rehome the dog while he's at work and say "gee i dunno.... i havent seen him. i thought he was with you?" ...yeah i tend to think evil thoughts when it comes to helping an animal out of a situation like that lol my cousins husband was being a fool with his two bulldogs who were fighting over food.... they have small kids! and he was indifferent about it! saying something dumb like "well they'll fight it out till one wins.." noooo!! he would not even consider finding a home for one of the dogs. they got along fine all day until it was time to feed them.... on one occasion they were fighting on the back porch and her four year old son was trapped in the yard, crying because he was scared. the back yard gate was locked so he couldnt go to the front of the house... and his mom couldnt get to him because of two fighting dogs on the porch. i'm afraid that would have been THE line for me...... thankfully everything was ok but when she told me about that ordeal she was next to tears
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Post by shilohismygirl on Oct 11, 2010 20:20:13 GMT -5
Oh my goodness! How dangerous! Yes, a three year old puppy with no manners would have been horrible. Yes, we really did think long and hard about re homing him while his owner was away, but we were afraid that our ferrets would be gone mysteriously while we were away. I'm pretty sure that our old room mate is trying to rehome his dog now, but I can't be sure, as I haven't talked to him since. I hope he finds a good home for the poor puppy.
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