vkp23
Going Natural
Posts: 192
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Post by vkp23 on Jan 26, 2011 17:46:26 GMT -5
OK so yeah my Mother-in-law and sister-in-law hate me. Don't know why. I never did anything to them and I'm good to my husband so I don't get what their deal is other than they don't agree with over half of my opinions on things. My husbands mother disowned him for shooting predators that ate 90% of our chickens. Which as long as it isn't a protected animal or someones pet, the law is on our side. Sadly, when you have a farm type life, you gotta do what you gotta do. I mean we lost over $600+ in live stock! Any way, his sister, who is only 15 mind you, semi disowned him too. Not totally but, a bit. Any way, his dad came over Monday, (Don't have a problem with his dad at all) and he brought Thomas' (my husband) sister over with him. I should have gone with my original instincts and just left til Thomas called me and told me they were gone. His sister thinks she can say and do what ever she wants to whom ever she wants and his mother backs her up. The reason I blocked them from facebook is because his sister jumped my case for picking a joke at my mother for falling down the stairs. My mother was FINE except for breaking her toe and SHE called me laughing about it. I told her I was going to get her a helmet. I'm sorry but that is just the sick sense of humor my family has. We pick on each other relentlessly. And I mean it's not like I would have been joking if she really got hurt. Any way, when I defended my family's dynamic his mother jumped in and attacked me as well for being a bad daughter and for picking on a child. But it's ok for that child to tell an adult how to handle relationships with their family? Any way, I'm trailing off...so the whole time they were here she took every opportunity to jab at me on my parenting and level of intelligence. She's 15! What does she know about raising kids and she has no idea who I am and what I know! I kept my cool though. At one point, while they were here, it was time to feed the ferrets their raw soup. OMG she's a moron. She asked me what I was feeding them and I told her that I was working on switching them to raw and that this was a raw chicken puree we call a soup, and that they have to be trained to eat a raw diet and this is how you start it. She made a nasty face and asked why I was switching them and why they had to be trained. I said, "Well, feeding them raw is what they would eat in the wild, and so it's much better for them and reduces the chance of illness, because the kibble makers mix grains and what not that a ferret literally can not digest, and thus causes illness. They have to be trained to eat raw because they imprint on their food." Then she asked what I meant by imprint on their food. I said, "kinda like how a baby duck, if raised by a person, will think that person if their mommy. It's the same thing with ferrets and their food." And she says, get this, "Well yeah I could see how that can happen cause they would know whats best for them." What!? REALLY!? I said, "Noooo they can't digest the grains in it and the kibble is all they know. You CAN get grain free kibble, but it's WAY expensive and still not as good as feeding them raw." She rolled her eyes at me and was like "what ever." GAW she makes me so stinkin' mad. And she had the nerve to say to me, "You do know there is two sides to every opinion right?" I wanted to say SO bad, "OMG are you serious!? I had NO idea! I'm SO glad you told me this. I feel SO enlightened now that you educated me. Some one whom I'm 12 years older than. I don't know what I would have done with out you teaching me this." I mean, REALLY!? Sorry, thanks for the vent.
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Post by sherrylynne on Jan 26, 2011 17:52:16 GMT -5
Been there, done that. And you handled it really very well. Likely far better than I would have. But then- I've been known to "fly off the handle" before Some people will automatically say "black" JUST because you said "white". And then carry on trying to prove a totally misinterpreted version of the truth. Next time, yeah, might be better to simply leave for a while. Just for your own sanity.
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taratee
Cageless and Roamin' Free
Posts: 255
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Post by taratee on Jan 26, 2011 17:55:53 GMT -5
you should keep in mind that 15 year olds are rarely right, though they believe they are always right. its going to take a bit of practice but try to learn to tune it out, my grandfather always used to say never listen to anyone stupider then you. and technically in the case of the ferrets she is stupider then you (meaning she knows less). but as a 20 year old who used to fight with my sisters bratty children i know that fighting with kids makes others think less of you. my own mother used to yell at me for the way i took care of my sisters children because i have a different parenting model then them. you just have to know what you know have confidence in what you know, and learn that some people dont care to learn. just like the vegan ferret food some people will always turn a deaf ear to what you know regardless of how legit your information is.
on the other hand im sorry this happens, ive lived through similar things in my life and im working on the learning to take a step back and go "yeayea i know nothing about something ive done my research on" then i roll my eyes and go about my business
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vkp23
Going Natural
Posts: 192
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Post by vkp23 on Jan 26, 2011 17:56:42 GMT -5
Been there, done that. And you handled it really very well. Likely far better than I would have. But then- I've been known to "fly off the handle" before Some people will automatically say "black" JUST because you said "white". And then carry on trying to prove a totally misinterpreted version of the truth. Next time, yeah, might be better to simply leave for a while. Just for your own sanity. Oh yeah, I told Thomas that next time if his dad brings his sister I'm leaving and he can call me to come home when they leave. I can't stand his sister or mother and I will no longer sit around and be condemned in my own house. I'm not going to stop him from seeing his family. That IS is family and if he wants to see them he should and our daughters should get to see family on that side too. But I don't have to see them and I don't have to put up with it. My husband supports me 100%. he doesn't think I deserve to be treated the way they treat me, and doesn't want to see me have to sit there and squirm to keep my mouth shut. His sister tried to re-friend him on Facebook, but he denied it because he gets sick of the crap they start there too.
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vkp23
Going Natural
Posts: 192
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Post by vkp23 on Jan 26, 2011 18:05:41 GMT -5
you should keep in mind that 15 year olds are rarely right, though they believe they are always right. its going to take a bit of practice but try to learn to tune it out, my grandfather always used to say never listen to anyone stupider then you. and technically in the case of the ferrets she is stupider then you (meaning she knows less). but as a 20 year old who used to fight with my sisters bratty children i know that fighting with kids makes others think less of you. my own mother used to yell at me for the way i took care of my sisters children because i have a different parenting model then them. you just have to know what you know have confidence in what you know, and learn that some people dont care to learn. just like the vegan ferret food some people will always turn a deaf ear to what you know regardless of how legit your information is. on the other hand im sorry this happens, ive lived through similar things in my life and im working on the learning to take a step back and go "yeayea i know nothing about something ive done my research on" then i roll my eyes and go about my business Oh yeah I get what you're saying. It's just hard to tell where they see me. Am I a child or an adult. I'm not allowed to have a constructive discussion with mother-in-law because "she is my elder" and I'm a "child". However, I'm not allowed to disagree with his sister because "she is a child" and I am an "adult". Well which is it? To whom am I allowed to talk to? I just think it's best I stay away from them. They accuse me of all kinds of junk (hijacking Thomas' facebook, making him quit collage, taking advantage of him by being a house wife even though his mother is a house wife, forcing him to have children etc) And I really just don't want to deal with it any more. But it was even like the natural birth after a C-section thing. She asked me if I knew the risks and so i named them and the percentages and the things that can reduce or eliminate the risks. She asked me where I got my information, and I told her the studies conducted by universities, medical professionals and the CDC. She again rolls her eyes and is like "what ever" she should have said "I don't believe you"
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dookdook
Newbie
ferretless but hopeful
Posts: 32
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Post by dookdook on Jan 26, 2011 18:13:56 GMT -5
That's really sickening. I myself, am 16 and people like that make teenagers look like rude arrogant a**holes. (for lack of a better word!) I hope you're feeling a bit better... Whatever! You know you're doing the best for your fuzzies so she can just go away. ._.
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taratee
Cageless and Roamin' Free
Posts: 255
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Post by taratee on Jan 26, 2011 18:15:22 GMT -5
id talk to your husband about it and let him know and ask him what he thinks you should do, because i mean he does know him better...
but not communicating with the people is an option, i dont invite negative people into my life if they can be destructive i dont let them in i dont have time for people to play with me and argue im busy living my life the way i want to, the way i believe is best for me. and for anyone else to say im wrong well they can get over it.
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Post by AnimalFarm2006 on Jan 26, 2011 18:38:11 GMT -5
Figure this out...My 5 yr old nephew and me get along better than I with his mom and she constantly picks on me and how I take care of them better than how i care for family... Nope. I just let my little nephew breath and live outside and not inside glued to the tv.
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vkp23
Going Natural
Posts: 192
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Post by vkp23 on Jan 26, 2011 19:39:48 GMT -5
That's really sickening. I myself, am 16 and people like that make teenagers look like rude arrogant a**holes. (for lack of a better word!) I hope you're feeling a bit better... Whatever! You know you're doing the best for your fuzzies so she can just go away. ._. Yeah see when I was that age I would have had my butt tore into for talking to an adult like that. I know there are actually intelligent teens out there. There are even some teen moms that are better parents then some adult moms. But this girl is an idiot who has a "other word for a female dog" for a mother. The only reason Thomas came out as well as he did was because his grandmother spent so much of her time with him. She passed away a year before we met. I really don't get it, she talks about how there are two sides to every story yet she does not want to hear or believe anything from the other side. I form my opinions on things based on weeks worth of research. I read every opposing position and read where facts are that support each side. Who ever has the most facts to back them up gets my vote. I base it on FACTS not emotion. She bases things on what she THINKS is right, which most of the time is a messed up version, and has no facts to back it up. You give her facts that disprove what she says and she ignores it. Like the whole "Virginia hijacks Thomas' facebook and post stuff posing as him" crap. Thomas comes right out and says he said it and they don't believe it.
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vkp23
Going Natural
Posts: 192
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Post by vkp23 on Jan 26, 2011 19:47:47 GMT -5
id talk to your husband about it and let him know and ask him what he thinks you should do, because i mean he does know him better... but not communicating with the people is an option, i dont invite negative people into my life if they can be destructive i dont let them in i dont have time for people to play with me and argue im busy living my life the way i want to, the way i believe is best for me. and for anyone else to say im wrong well they can get over it. Oh yeah Thomas and I have talked about it. He honestly can't stand them either because they do the same things to him. He just can't bring himself to push them away if they decide to talk to him, and I wouldn't ask him to. But I have no issue pushing them away from me. And from now on that's what I'm doing.
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taratee
Cageless and Roamin' Free
Posts: 255
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Post by taratee on Jan 26, 2011 20:28:35 GMT -5
i support you in your decision!! lol no one needs more negativity in their life
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Post by sherrylynne on Jan 27, 2011 1:42:27 GMT -5
I hate to say it, but your MIL, and SIL base things on what they WANT to believe, not on WHAT IS. And I do understand how you cannot come between your other half and his family. However. That does not mean you have to in any way, shape, or form, put up with that...nonsense! If they cannot respect you in your own home, ask(tell) them to leave until they are capable of that simple civility. You certainly have the right to expect that much from them. Hubby can visit them at their home.
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Post by WTFerret on Jan 27, 2011 2:03:05 GMT -5
It tell them to piss off ... And not as gently as that. I also wouldent let them come over much less hang around. Of course id probably end up in jail for beating the sister to death, I'll accept crap from a punk kid under no circumstance.
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vkp23
Going Natural
Posts: 192
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Post by vkp23 on Jan 27, 2011 2:37:54 GMT -5
I hate to say it, but your MIL, and SIL base things on what they WANT to believe, not on WHAT IS. And I do understand how you cannot come between your other half and his family. However. That does not mean you have to in any way, shape, or form, put up with that...nonsense! If they cannot respect you in your own home, ask(tell) them to leave until they are capable of that simple civility. You certainly have the right to expect that much from them. Hubby can visit them at their home. The only down side to him visiting them is, she (his mother) doesn't want our kids at their house. She says they might break something. WHAT!? I'm sorry, but my mom has TONS of breakables and what not and she MADE her room (basically a small apartment in my brothers house) baby proofed. Any REAL grandmother who wants to see her grand kids will do what she needs to to see them. When we first found out I was pregnant with our first after a year and a half of trying her first words were NOT "congrats" or anything like that. It was "don't ever ask me to baby sit cause I wont. I don't like kids." She has even sat there and told him and his sister if she had it to do over again, she would have never had kids! And she wasn't mad at the time or anything. I stay more mad at what those two do to him than me. I don't care, she ain't my momma. But to see the hurt in his eyes every time he talks to her kills me. She is constantly calling him a failure in a round about way. But I mean, he makes almost $20 an hour, owns his own home, has friends, has a wife that loves him and we were each others firsts, two beautiful little girls and is all around a good Christan man. What is her beef with him? And me for that matter? We may not do everything the same as they would, but we are NOT bad people! SMH!
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vkp23
Going Natural
Posts: 192
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Post by vkp23 on Jan 27, 2011 2:40:53 GMT -5
It tell them to piss off ... And not as gently as that. I also wouldent let them come over much less hang around. Of course id probably end up in jail for beating the sister to death, I'll accept crap from a punk kid under no circumstance. I lol-ed at this. I WISH I could but I gotta hold my tongue for his sake. But I'm not hanging around those two females again! His dad I don't mind. He's cool!
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